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My Review Of Invisalign
When I was a child, I never had braces. I don’t know if this was because of poor dental coverage, the expensive nature of braces, or I didn’t need them. Maybe all three. But as I traversed the path from cute little blonde haired street urchin to ruggedly handsome upstanding member of society with a…
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How Can These People Enjoy Fucking Each Other
I sit in a lot of bars and coffeehouses. When I’m on the road, my days are filled with either a day job or a ton of writing to do and emails I need to return (all in hopes of getting rid of that day job). All those hours I’m spending in places like Omaha,…
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This Whiskey Tastes Like Goat Piss
In my first few years of performing stand up, I wrote a joke that went thusly: I like whiskey. I like old whiskey, mostly Scotch. Now, a lot of my friends like to ask me, “Chris, you can’t really tell the difference between a 40 year old Scotch and a 20 year old Scotch can…
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Dying In A Place That Screams “LIVE FREE”
This December will be the third anniversary of my grandmother’s death. While I definitely get sad thinking about her not being here with us, I’m also reminded of the way death is managed in this country, and that makes me makes me angry. It started on Thanksgiving Day in 2019, I had just finished dinner…
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Theocracy For The Lulz
Here I sit in a coffee shop in middle America. Around me are various groups of college kids, people clacking away on keyboards, people reading various books (not a copy of Infinite Jest anywhere to be seen), people engaged in conversation. It’s a chill scene. If it wasn’t for the sleep deprivation hangover I’m suffering…
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They Eat People In Illinois
One of the side effects of being a stand up comedian in St. Louis is that you get familiar with the drive between St. Louis and Chicago very quickly. And while this drive is only 4-5 hours depending on how you do it, it can be as tedious as a drive across Kansas between Missouri…
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The Uvalde Conspiracy : Follow the money
File this under “FOLLOW THE MONEY!” That’s what I was asked to do. Not by an employer, or a professor, or even by the drunk guy sitting on the bench at the bus stop in front of the coffeehouse I’m typing this from (He’s yelling something about the Illuminati.). I was told to FOLLOW THE…
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STFU
Any time someone speaks unreasonably loud indoors, I spend way too much time trying to figure out if they’re hard of hearing or just incredibly narcissistic. My vote is usually narcissim. How self-important do you have to be to think you better make sure every word you say is more important than every other sound…
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Politics Are Already A Joke
I don’t talk about politics much on stage. But it’s not because I’m shy about what I believe. The NyCYRan CreeD (That’s A History/Theology Pun) As the five people who follow me on Twitter can attest, I’m pretty open about my political views. I think, as a party, Republicans have become the enemy of progress.…
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The Oldest Child
This spring, I’m recording an hour of comedy. So, I’m working on that hour a little bit every time I’m on stage. The goal is to have a fully formed outline for the material by the end of this month. A few years back, I worked with Christopher Titus for a weekend, and he was…
